Overcoming Hurdles and the realities of OCD

September 2015 · 4 minute read

Just hit the first rebuild on the major app that I’m working on. And well, I didn’t really expect it…

After a month of hard work and finding out that there’s a better way to route, I have just broken the entire project. Not one page works and all I want to do is cry. How am I ever going to fix this?! I might as well start again from scratch…

Take a break, get a coffee, get some fresh air, come back and start again from the beginning. Get one route working right and then its just a matter of replication. In the long run, I’m going to able to significantly tidy up my code because I know there’s a lot of repetition in there and it’s getting so confused.

Half a day and an entire night later, it’s 4.45am and I have managed to rebuild only a fragment of what I thought I had initially done. Um, wow. Didn’t think it was that big of a deal but now I understand what start-up developers mean when they say they had to ‘rebuild’ their entire project (obviously on a much larger scale). Hopefully I don’t have to go through this again any time soon… Now I can see though, which stuff is really UX focused – that stuff can wait. I’m more interested in getting the underlying structure working. And of course I need to make sure that I spend a good amount of time and get this base routing right. I do not want to redo it later or change my mind, when the project’s bigger.

Work was never going to be fun today but I have managed to get through it with the help of some extra strong coffees. And as I’m sure I’ve said before, by the end of the day and a good amount of caffeine later, I’m ready to go again! Today, I was so anxious to keep working on my routing project that I pushed the gym back an hour so I could at least have a look at it first… And then it happened, I pushed the gym back to 6am tomorrow morning so I could keep working on my project. It was just going so well…

This is not a good thing. I love training, it makes me feel really good. And I definitely don’t want to go back to feeling how I did 2 years ago. I guess it’s part of that balancing act I’m struggling to keep up though – it’s okay, I’ll work out a pattern and get in under control soon. Well, I know the likelihood of me waking up and going to the gym at 6am is very-likely-not. Especially with my recent decline in fitness. I will just have to make sure I go at least twice this week. I want to start running on the weekends too – seems like a good way to clear my mind on a Sunday afternoon.

On the other hand, I’m already thinking up a thousand excuses as to why I’m not going to make it to training this week. I just know how hard it is to get back into it once you lose your fitness and I know I’m not going to be getting back in the ring before the end of the year… It’s just, the last few times have been boring since I can’t do everything so soon after my injury. I really want to just be better again. It is getting there though, I guess. I think I’m going to go and try doing the class, just see how it goes. I’ve been getting acupuncture for a few weeks now and that seems to be releasing a lot of muscular strain. And, last week I did manage to get through a whole 20 (girl) push-ups without any pain that day or the next. That’s definitely progress considering how bad I was at push ups before….

Just chose the picture for this post, man I do some things just to piss people off. Like, all the time. I don’t even know why. I guess it’s just fun to get a reaction out of people. Sometimes I just do things with the intent of getting a reaction. Before I even realise what I’m doing. I didn’t really think anything of it before but now I’m writing this, I pretty much feel greatly satisfied every time I do get a ridiculous reaction, even when the thing I’m doing to invoke it is subconscious. Not sure what that says about, maybe it just confirms my earlier suspicions that I’m going crazy(er).