Where’s my mojo, baby?
June 2017 · 3 minute read
I’ve lost it. I’ve lost my drive, my motivation, my ambition. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but something feels different now.
All I know is that this time last year I had so much to live for and I was really starting to get places. And for the 3 years before that, getting to those places was the only thing set in my sight.
Now I just keep starting new things but not following through with them or writing off ideas altogether. I’ll easily slip away from side projects or become distracted with the crap that is bravo.tv
This year so far has overall been quite busy for me, with probably more weekends away than actually at home. As well as a couple of events which some might consider big but I’d say are fairly minor in the grand scheme of things. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to keep something extra moving on the side.
Even training isn’t as fulfilling as it once was and that motivation has started to wane too. I remember back when I was still new and the sensation of finishing a class or a PT, feeling like I’d really worked hard and given it my all in every combination. I’m sure my combinations are the same, or at least people still comment that I kick hard but something else has definitely changed.
Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s my living situation, maybe it’s that being a developer wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, maybe I’m not where I’d though I’d be by now with my training, maybe it’s that I don’t make enough effort or that I can’t find my next direction.
I honestly don’t know. As much as I think about it, I have no definitive answer on one single thing that makes me unhappy in this moment.
Even writing this today I realise that I haven’t posted in over 3 months. And that’s just ridiculous for my standards! Have I done nothing in the last 3 months worth writing about? Or have I just become lazy and let it slide?
It’s time to make a change. Maybe if I leave the house, take my computer with me and sit somewhere. Then I can’t procrastinate and will eventually finished rebuilding this blog or get through enough study to finally sit my AWS solutions architect exam that I’ve been meaning to do for a year now.
That’s probably the issue actually. I don’t get out enough. I have a tendency to always set myself up where I conveniently have everything I need at hand and there’s no reason to leave the 2k radius I currently live within. I have started to consider this theory and am in fact out of the house right now, sitting at a small Thai place writing while I enjoy a delicious Penang curry.
It’s a start but it’s still not good enough. It’s the same place I eat at all the fricken time! Auckland is so big, there’s so much to explore, surely if I try hard enough I can find inspiration somewhere!!
Like, I mean, just the other day I was on Queen St thinking to myself “Wow, it’s so busy here and there’s so much going on, I should make an effort to come down more often!” – with thoughts like that, you wouldn’t think that I had been living just 1 block over for the past 12 months, huh?
That does it, I definitely need to start venturing further. I’m gonna get my mojo back.