I think I might be going crazy…

August 2015 · 4 minute read

A day in the life of Selena.

This has basically been the daily pattern for the last two weeks, following my injury which resulted in inability to train properly. The only way to stop myself from going crazy is to get back to the gym, it’s the only place where I can clear my mind.

Fatigue is starting to take it’s toll. Today I was late for work, like 2hrs late. Usually I would see the time on my phone, rush to my feet and get my ass out the door. But not today, today I woke up so exhausted that I just didn’t care… luckily I had been out to meet someone new the night before and accidentally chosen todays outfit then, otherwise it would have taken me another 2hrs to get dressed.

After sluggishly getting to work, my mind went blank. I can’t think of what I’m meant to be doing and no body’s here to tell me, my job is to come up with all the plans for everyone else.

3 coffees in about 30minutes just to be able to function. Now that can’t be good for you, furthermore it’s really not good for your teeth. I kind of have an obsession with teeth, I almost make judgement calls about people based on their teeth. It’s the first thing I notice when I talk to them, sometimes even how I describe people. Kind of weird I guess but with 4 mirrors in my bedroom alone I’m constantly reminded of how perfect my teeth are not. Anyway, now my mind is buzzing onto other thoughts. I really just need to focus.

Sometimes I just think to myself for about 40-60 seconds, work out what it is that I’m really trying to accomplish and then the ideas come flooding into my minds, it’s almost like you can feel a tidal wave coming, and it’s coming fast.

And then, sometimes one thought begins before the previous one has finished in my mind. Sometimes I miss the thought all together. I essentially have to rewind in my head and say the whole thought out loud (in my head) to myself if I want to be sure to remember it.

On the odd occasion I find that I’ve gotten myself so caught up in my thoughts and sort of zone out from reality, that’s when they accidentally slip out. As I slowly drift back to reality, like waking from a pleasant sleep, reality fades in and I realize that I’m talking out loud to myself and everyone in the street is looking at me like I’m crazy!

Making progress by mid afternoon, it’s time to eat. I can’t forget to eat. Plus food, soaks up some of the caffeine and helps with the jitters. I’m kind of edge, I’m pretty sure people must be looking at me like I’m on crack, colleagues have been asking me all day if I’m hung over or if something’s wrong. Wow, I must look worse than I thought… But my productivity seems to have increased. I’m working on overdrive, trying to complete 15 tasks at once. I’ve got no choice, I need to make a list. Plus it always feels good knowing you’ve accomplished something and physically ticking it off on a list. It’s like when you’re 7 and the teacher gives you a gold star for the week. No surprises that I was the geek with a gold star every week for the entire year when I went to school… Well you now what, I got the ice-cream at the end of year for having the most gold stars. Worth it? Uhm, YES!

By 5pm I’m feeling pretty disgusting, as though I haven’t had a shower or changed my cloths in a week (I have). So I go home for a shower, freshen up, brush my teeth before I head out for a drink with friends. Hopefully I can also pick the brains of my mentor, I’m sure he’s getting sick me going on and on and on and on and on and on about what I’m trying to learn, I’ve probably repeated the same story a dozen times. By the time I’ve had dinner and 2 beers, the ideas start again. My brain has finally reset and it’s time to go home and get working on my software design. I’ve only got until 3am, if I code any later than that I just can’t function.

I think I’ve found the optimal sleep time for functionality. 4.5-5hrs per night, any less I’ll collapse, any more then there’s just not enough hours in the day. Plus 1am is when everything seems to make the most sense.

The trick now that I’m nearly recovered is to fit training in again without losing all that productivity.