I am Invincible!

October 2016 · 3 minute read

Every time I reach a goal and achieve or think that I’ve achieved a reasonable feat, I feel a sense of emptiness. An empty void where I no longer need to continue working towards that specific goal and in turn winding up convincing myself that getting to that point of achievement was an easy task.

For a period, I forget about all the ups and downs of the journey, in particular the biggest struggles along the way and all of my near breaking points and somehow seem to convince myself that I have become invincible because during this period I’ve decided that if I have so much free time I should really be able to take on more than what I have been taking on!

I guess you could say there are ups and downs to this feeling of invincibility. The obvious up is that I’m always quick to look for a new challenge or challenges. The downside, in turn, is that because I have such a broad range of interest areas and I’m an overachiever since way back, I almost always wind up overextending myself.

I think that subconsciously, because I managed to do something relatively well in specific timeframe when I don’t feel as though I really tried my hardest to it, I wind up believing that if I really applied myself and gave everything to the activities taking place within that time frame that I could reasonably expect to achieve twice as much to an equally good standard.

Considering that now, there does seem to be some logic in the theory, however careful consideration must also be taken into account for the momentous occasions when I fall flat on my face and completely fail. These, luckily, do not occur too regularly, however, I know full well that when they do occur I generally wind up blindingly intoxicated for the next 24hrs and fall into a self-pitying depression for at least the next two weeks trying to convince myself that life’s not worth living and the world is pretty much over.

Sound dramatic? Well, you should consider my closest friends around this time, even I feel bad for them!

Obviously, at the time this entire logical view on things goes out the window and I revert back to that negative, deluded drama queen state.

Although I always eventually snap out of it and get myself back on track, too many consistent overachieving fails could really be the straw that broke the camels back. And I’m not really prepared to have a go and just see if I can take on the challenge of reaching the lowest of low points. Sure, it would be character building but I mean, I probably did enough of that in highschool so it might be best to play the game a bit safer. For sanity’s sake.