A Developers Journey

Soon after though, that feeling turns into a sudden strong sense of emptiness and that I’m lost as if I don’t know where I am, what I’m doing here or what I should be doing next. Almost like “What is the point in getting up today?”

I’ve lost it. I’ve lost my drive, my motivation, my ambition. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but something feels different now.

Well… After last months post, you’d assume this one would be nothing but bragging about my goal smashing month of success! Well… you’re wrong. This month did not go according to plan in any way, shape or form. I am not content with the way this month played out in way, shape or form. Where to even begin with what went wrong?

The time to rest and reflect can never come soon enough. And it seems that every time I sit down and start writing, so much has happened that’s it’s actually worth writing about.

Finished the year with a fractured eye socket and I couldn’t be happier! I finally feel like I’m in a place where I belong. Muay Thai people get me. Developers get me. My friends get me. I don’t feel like I need to worry about what anyone else thinks. I don’t feel like I need to try to impress anyone. And I don’t ever feel like I need to try and be someone I’m not.

So apparently the disillusionment doesn’t stop just because you’re technically now a professional.

You know that saying “the grass is always greener on the other side”? Well, I’m on the other side and the grass is pretty damn green. I guess the question now is can it get greener?

Every time I reach a goal and achieve or think that I’ve achieved a reasonable feat, I feel a sense of emptiness. An empty void where I no longer need to continue working towards that specific goal and in turn winding up convincing myself that getting to that point of achievement was an easy task.

In a new city, it can be difficult to find a place where you fit in. Especially when you move to start working on your new career and have competitions lined up lines for the first few months which involve daily training.

As excited as I was to be starting off on a new adventure, nothing could have prepared me for how draining it really it is.
Last week everything maybe got to be a little too full on and I didn’t get a chance then to post this article. It’s quite funny to read back over now, just after a few days, because to be honest, following such a dominant win and going into work with a new project waiting for me, I’ve completely changed my point of view.